My birth story

My birth story- just a warning… I’m going to put it all out there. It’s not going to be pretty and it will be a little bit of a word-vomit.

My pregnancy and birth are forever etched into my brain… The whole thing was one of the hardest things I have ever been through. Maybe I’ll write about my pregnancy another time, but today, it is about Wednesday, September 24, 2014.

Around 4:00am a dull pain woke me from my sleep. It wasn’t a deep sleep… you don’t get to sleep deeply when you are 39 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I got up and waddled to the bathroom to pee for the 50^th time that night. I sat there for a while and felt another dull pain coming. So I excitedly used an app on my phone to time the pain. Maybe this is it? Maybe this is labor? I went to go lay back in bed as I continued to time the dull pains. I laid there for an hour, in the dark, awake and timing contractions as my sweet husband slept soundly next to me. I woke him around 5am, and told him that I had been having what I believed to be contractions and they had been lasting for about 45 seconds, occurring every 5-6 minutes for the last hour. He asked me if I was in labor. I had no idea. I had been feeling these dull pains on and off for the about five days at that point. So, I figured I would shower to see if the pains stopped. If they stopped, then no, I wasn’t in labor and I would be going back to bed.  At this point the pains were not very strong. I could definitely feel when one was occurring, but it felt like a stomach ache, or period cramps.

Jon called my Aunt Denise (I will be calling her Aunt Niece), who was my doula. If anyone is questioning whether to have a doula at their birth, I would definitely recommend it. She said she would come over and hang out with us in an hour or so and see what was going on. We called our parents and told them that it MAY BE the day… just to give them a heads up. My dad was in Dallas, so he asked me if I thought he should fly back to KC on the next flight. This was a heavy question because I really didn’t know if this was actual labor or “false labor.”

Around 6:30am aunt niece arrived. Jon went to Smoothie King to get me a Peanut Power Plus, because that was the only thing that sounded remotely satisfying. I wasn’t very hungry, wasn’t very thirsty. My mind was very busy. My little sister Morgan arrived shortly after. I was so happy she was there. She is my baby sister… we have been through everything together. The next couple of hours are somewhat of a blur for me. My mom and Jo, Jon’s mom, arrived. The contractions were getting stronger and more painful. I had to lay down on the floor in the living room. I had to sway. I had to lean over a huge red ball. I had to have heating pads and massage on my lower back. I took a bath. I snuggled Jon. I couldn’t get comfortable.

At this point the contractions were getting worse and worse. I wasn’t able to talk very well when they were coming on. I could feel my whole body tense up. They say not to “fight” the pain… you’re supposed to accept the pain and go with it. But I don’t think I’m very good at accepting pain. It hurt. I had wanted to bake cupcakes or a cake or something while I was in labor. That didn’t happen. All I wanted to do was curl up and go to sleep. I had also planned on doing a lot of my laboring at home and then go to the hospital right before I was ready to push. That didn’t happen. I was itching to get to the hospital. I wanted to know how many centimeters dilated I was… because SURELY I was getting ready to have to push. I was in pain. I decided to go outside and walk around the cul-de-sac with my mom. I must’ve looked like a crazy person because I had my arm around her the whole time and had to stop every couple of minutes and lean on her and bend over and moan. One lap around the cul-de-sac and I was ready. It was time to go to the hospital

Everyone piled into the cars to head to the hospital, Overland Park Regional. Jon drove my aunt niece and I as I rode in the back middle seat so I could spread out. This was the longest car ride in the history of car rides. I swear I had 20 contractions within 20 minutes. The bouncing of the car makes the contractions hurt so much worse. Aunt niece was there to remind me to breathe. But the car and the pain were causing a little bit of a panic inside me. I needed to get to the hospital.

When we got in through the doors of the hospital, I leaned on my mom and Jon as I slowly waddled my way to the elevators so I could go up to the maternity ward. I was moving very slowly and had to stop and lean and moan every few minutes. Doctors and nurses kept stopping and asking us if they could help me or if I wanted a wheel chair. No… I just wanted to have this baby.

We got to the maternity ward and the nurses checked me into triage. This is where pregnant women go so you can be monitored to determine if you are in active labor and need to be checked into the hospital, or if you’re having false labor and need to be sent home. They would only allow two people back in triage with me, so it was just me, Jon and aunt niece. The nurse hooked me up onto the monitoring system. They put two bands around my belly, one monitoring Ruby and one monitoring the contractions. The nurse checked my cervix to see how far I was dilated…. Wait for it… 1 centimeter. I started bawling immediately. WHAT??!! No. That couldn’t be right. I was in a lot a lot a lot of pain. I was ready to have an epidural and push this baby out of me. The nurse told me that if I hadn’t progressed in 45 minutes that they wouldn’t be able to admit me into the hospital and I’d have to go home. Psh. I was not going home. I was staying in the hospital till Ruby was out of me. I was determined that this was real labor. Not false labor. This was the day I would have this baby. I was not going home. Period.

When the nurse came back to check me after a very long, painful 45 minutes… 1 centimeter. Again. I had not progressed. So of course I started bawling again. And begging. I begged that nurse to please let me stay. Don’t send me home. All that would happen is that I would stand outside the maternity ward, in pain, begging to come back inside. Thank God… she let me stay. She said she would give me another 45 minutes, and this time I could walk around to see if that would help me progress. Aunt niece and Jon helped me waddle laps around the maternity ward. Jon was so amazing. The whole time. He held me when I needed held and put up with my yelling and moaning and whining. He was so encouraging and so supportive. I couldn’t have asked for more from him. Aunt niece told me that it may help if I do lunges and squats as I walk to open up my hips and help Ruby drop. I was lunging left and right. My heart rate was definitely up. And the contractions were becoming more and more painful. I was moaning SO LOUD in that hallway… I feel kind of bad for all the other people in the maternity ward. I hope they have soundproof walls. Jo and my mom took turns coming and helping me walk/lunge. Then, out of nowhere, my dad showed up! He had flown out at the noon flight and was here. He wasn’t going to miss it. But after seeing how I was doing, he preferred to wait in the waiting room. It was hard for him to watch me in such pain.

When the 45 minutes were up, I went back into the triage room, PRAYING that this would be it. Please God. The nurse checked me… and I was at 4 centimeters!! So I started bawling again. So happy. They were admitting me into the hospital. Thank you Jesus. I needed that epidural… and I needed it now. Before that day, there was no part of me that wanted an epidural. I was strong, I had had 6 knee surgeries… ha. No. Not strong. I needed that epidural or I was going to die.

It felt like it took forever for me to get placed into a room… but it finally happened and the anesthesiologist came first thing. The midwife on call checked me right before the epidural and I was already dilated to 6 centimeters… I was progressing fast! And I felt it too. Those last few contractions before the epidural was given were some of the most painful things I have ever experienced in my life. I remember looking at Jon in sheer panic as the contractions would begin because I knew it was coming and it was going to get so much worse. Panic. Like, can’t breathe, can’t focus my eyes, panic.

Then I got the epidural. That needle was nothingggggg compared to those contractions. And I felt SO MUCH BETTER. I could sit up and have a conversation. I could smile. I could make eye contact with people. I think I actually laughed. This is when everyone from the waiting room was able to come in and say hi. It was nice. We were all just hanging out waiting for Ruby to join us. Epidurals are my best friend. The midwife broke my water. She said there was a lot of meconium (Ruby had pooped in my uterus, which is a sign of stress on the baby), but to not be worried.

The next hour or so went by pretty fast. I got checked again, and I was already at a 9. My body was rewarding me for getting an epidural and letting it rest from the pain. I was getting excited. I was so close!! The midwife whom I had been seeing my whole pregnancy came in just to deliver my baby, even though it was her night off. She wanted to be there for me. It was really sweet. And then… before I knew it, I was at a 10 and it was time to push. My mom, my sister, Jo, Jon and aunt niece were all in the room ready to cheer me on and help me through this. They were the dream team.

First of all… I feel like no one really prepared me for the pushing. That was really hard. You have to push for ten very long seconds while holding your breath. Deep breath in, push for ten seconds, blow it out really fast, do it again. They gave me an oxygen mask. I was pushing so hard. Jon could see her head… she had dark hair!! What?!? AH!! My mom held my hand and helped me push. She was such a comfort to have with me. Moms just make everything better, don’t they? But something was wrong. My midwife went to get the OB on call to come take a look. I pushed a few times with the OB there. They both looked at each other and told me to rest. They told me that they were going to let my body push her down a little more before we push again. Okay. So they turned off the lights and everyone went to their corners to shut their eyes for a minute. I laid down and tried to calm my breathing.

That’s when everything changed. It had been maybe five minutes after my midwife and OB had left the room, and they were back. The lights were on. There was a man, a doctor. He introduced himself as an anesthesiologist. My midwife told me that Ruby’s heart rate was really high and that they needed to take her out right now and that I needed to have a c-section. Tears. What? I looked at Jon and he was being helped into some kind of full body scrub suit, hair hat and booties and facemask and everything. I looked at my aunt niece and asked her if I had to do this. Did I have to have a c-section? Yes. She told me that I did. Okay. I knew that if aunt niece said I had to then this was serious. The anesthesiologist gave me another epidural in my drip. Was Ruby okay? Was she going to be okay? Yes. Aunt niece told me that she would be okay but that they needed to get her out. The nurses and doctors started unplugging everything and wheeling my bed out of the room. I looked at my mom. I was so scared. I needed my mommy. What was going on? What was wrong with my baby? Save my baby.

They wheeled me into the OR, which was right next to my delivery room. And Jon barely made it inside the doors before they shut them and got to work. I held his hand and we stared into each other’s eyes. The room was so white. So cold. I started shaking uncontrollably. What was going on? They lifted my limp body from the delivery bed onto the operating table. My teeth were chattering so hard and my head and my shoulders were shaking so hard. Why was I shaking like this? They put blankets on my chest. Is Ruby okay? Is she going to be okay? All I could do was look into Jon’s eyes. He was right there with me. He was so scared. But he was calm for me. His eyes told me that he loved me. They told me that he was right there and that it was going to be okay, no matter what. His eyes were the only place that I found comfort. I told him that as soon as she was born to go to her and be with her. And that was very important. I would be fine. But she needed him.

The anesthesiologist talked to me as much as he could. He just kept talking. They were putting up the curtain now. The NICU team was there ready to assess her because of the meconium. They were preparing to cut. They were starting to cut. I appreciated his words so much. I wanted to know every detail. I wanted to know what was going on. But I was still shaking. And at this point I started throwing up. I couldn’t sit up to get sick, so all I could do was turn my head and throw up in my hair. The nurses did their best to help me and to keep me clean. My neck was throbbing from the shaking.

And then... she was out. There was a little noise, but no cry. I started bawling. I looked at Jon… searching for his eyes. Why wasn’t she crying? Was she okay? She’s here. I told him to go to her. Then I heard it… the sweetest sound I had ever heard in my life. Her cry. Her wail. And I heard Jon sniffling and bawling. She’s beautiful, he said. Ten fingers, ten toes. The NICU team suctioned her mouth and lungs and wrapped her up into a little burrito. From the time they wheeled me back into the OR from the time she was out had to be less than 10 minutes. She was here. And she’s okay. 8lbs 4oz, 19 inches long, 9:52pm. Ruby Jo Kramer. My daughter.

My midwife was helping with the c-section and told everyone to help me to do skin to skin with Ruby. The first time I saw her, I looked at her with this wonder and amazement. Hello little one. I love you so much. They put her on my chest. I tried to hold her, but I started shaking and getting sick again so Jon held her while the nurses and doctors helped me. It took them about 30 minutes to sew me back up. The OB said there was a lot of meconium in my uterus.

When they rolled me back into my delivery room I was still shaking very badly. My sister said I looked like I was having a seizure. They said it was the hormones and the two epidurals and the cold. I was in so much pain. My stomach. My insides. My body knew it had just been cut open. I was so thankful that Jon was with Ruby and that now our family could see her and hold her, so I could rest. It was as if all the emotion and all the feeling from the day came collapsing down. I was drained. I was running a fever. I was so thirsty. So tired.

When I stopped shaking, at this point it was about 45 minutes after Ruby had been born, the nurses put Ruby on my chest. She immediately began searching for my nipple. She wiggled her way around my chest and latched herself on all by herself and began nursing. It was amazing. I was so thankful that she seemed to know what she was doing because I was completely lost. I just held her and let her do her thing.

Later that night, when everyone left, and it was just the three of us in the post-partum room, I was able to hold her. Really hold her. And look at her. I know its weird to say, but she is me. She is a piece of me that is now outside of my body. She has my heart. That night I held her and I prayed a million prayers. Thanking God. Asking God to keep her safe and happy and healthy.

She is my best friend. She is my world. Now I know why Jon and I are soul mates… we were meant to make Ruby.